In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
