you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
