i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
