I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
