Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
