I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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