We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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