I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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