I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sarcasm needs its own font
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
