There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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