This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
