were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
