there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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