it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
