Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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