Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
