He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
