Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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