After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
