Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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