Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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