Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
