I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
