i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
