There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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