So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
