Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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