Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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