I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
