I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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