I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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