Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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