Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
