ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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