Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize