We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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