No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
