Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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