woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
