It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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