My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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