I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
