1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
