Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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