you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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