your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
