I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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