We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
