Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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