he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
