He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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