ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
