He had one of those small greek statue penises
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
