no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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