I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
wow bdsm is so cute
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
