omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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