Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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