A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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