Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
