Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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