my vag is so smooth its legendary
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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