it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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