covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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