feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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