the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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