Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
