So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
