No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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