barbara walters just said penis...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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