If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
