i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Pooping to opera.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
