imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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