I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
